We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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