No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
