she looked like the before picture.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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