Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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