yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
