I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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