you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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