No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
