look no pants
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
