I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
