Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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