Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
