Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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