dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
