She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize