i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
