sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
