look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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