just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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