You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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