lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
