my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
