My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
