my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
