I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
