Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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