It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The best revenge is premature balding
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk is not a location!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
