Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
a search helicopter?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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