They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
