Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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