I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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