Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have feelings that need drinking.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
