new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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