I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
