I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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