take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
