An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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