I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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