He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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