I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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