I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
