Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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