If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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