I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
