New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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