Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
