Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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