Michael Bay diarrhea
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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