I think scott just propositioned me for sex
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
