Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
