foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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