i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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