Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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