she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
