Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm really busy with my period
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
