never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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