I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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