dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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