That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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