I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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