I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
