All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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