I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
