i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
