Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
