My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize