We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
