i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
