I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
