I have demons in me.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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