I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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