You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
