everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
