i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And then he peed in my hair
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